Lowering Your Stress with Self-Affirmations

“You are your best thing.” -Toni Morrison

How do you talk to yourself when the going gets tough? Conversations you have with yourself can be among the most important words you will hear in your lifetime. Why? The words you choose and the feelings behind them carry weight that can boost your sense of well-being. 

Studies show that self-affirmation can improve all areas of your life. Self-affirmations are sentences you can say to yourself that connect you to your worth, values, and sense of self. These statements are meant to be used when faced with a stressful decision or moment. 

The positive impact of affirming yourself by naming your values is possible with just a small amount of effort. For tough situations where stress levels are high, and you are feeling stuck or unsure, these self-affirmations can get you back on track, and connect you to your center and its wisdom.

Create your self-affirmations in five steps

Take a few minutes to try this exercise now. Repeat it to support yourself in the future when stress or challenges feel overwhelming.

1. Define your core values.

As you may have explored in exercise 1 about your values, take time to look through the list of values at the end of this article or in this PDF document. Next, select three values that matter most to you and document them. If you need help narrowing down your list, ask yourself:

1. How do I want to act towards myself and others?
2. What kinds of moments bring the most light and balance into my life?

2. Explore why these values matter to you.

Think about moments when these values were or would be most important to you. Take 10-15 minutes to write your thoughts and feelings about why these values matter to you.

3. Top two reasons.

Now, take a look at your writing. Choose the top two reasons why these values are important to you. 

4. Reflect and evaluate.

Review your answers. Then mark the best matches for these four reflection statements:

1. These values have played a big role in my life (Agree, Disagree, Not sure)
2. Most days, I try my best to live up to these values (Agree, Disagree, Not sure)
3. These values are an important part of who I am (Agree, Disagree, Not sure)
4. I care a lot about these values (Agree, Disagree, Not sure)

5. Create your self-affirmation statements.

As a final step, review your values and write a few statements based on this example: 

• Self-affirmation statement: “My value (insert a value) is important to me. I am committed to living this value every day by (insert your own words here). 
• Example: My value kindness is important to me. I am committed to living this value every day by making an extra effort to offer grace to others. 

Once you finish writing your statements, keep them somewhere close so that you can use them to affirm yourself during challenging moments. Each time you self-affirm by repeating these statements, try a grounding exercise that reconnects you to the present moment. Combined, the statement and grounding exercise can lower your stress and support your mental health.

Grounding Exercise: Anchor in Your Values

Sit or stand in a comfortable position. Pay attention to the parts of your body connected to the space around you. Close your eyes, inhale through your nose deeply, and hold your breath. While holding, imagine your values settling into your lungs and your body. Exhale slowly and then wrap your arms around yourself. Squeeze as if giving yourself a hug. Then open your eyes to reconnect with your surroundings. 

For Step 1: A list of common values

1. Acceptance: to be open to and accepting of myself, others, life etc 
2. Adventure: to be adventurous; to actively seek, create, or explore novel or stimulating experiences 
3. Assertiveness: to respectfully stand up for my rights and request what I want 
4. Authenticity: to be authentic, genuine, real; to be true to myself 
5. Beauty: to appreciate, create, nurture or cultivate beauty in myself, others, the environment etc 
6. Caring: to be caring towards myself, others, the environment etc 
7. Challenge: to keep challenging myself to grow, learn, improve 
8. Compassion: to act with kindness towards those who are suffering 
9. Connection: to engage fully in whatever I am doing, and be fully present with others 
10. Contribution: to contribute, help, assist, or make a positive difference to myself or others 
11. Conformity: to be respectful of and obedient to rules and obligations 
12. Cooperation: to be cooperative and collaborative with others 
13. Courage: to be courageous or brave; to persist in the face of fear, threat, or difficulty 
14. Creativity: to be creative or innovative 
15. Curiosity: to be curious, open-minded and interested; to explore and discover 
16. Encouragement: to encourage and reward behavior that I value in myself or others 
17. Equality: to treat others as equal to myself, and vice-versa 
18. Excitement: to seek, create and engage in activities that are exciting, stimulating or thrilling 
19. Fairness: to be fair to myself or others 
20. Fitness: to maintain or improve my fitness; to look after my physical and mental health and wellbeing 
21. Flexibility: to adjust and adapt readily to changing circumstances 
22. Freedom: to live freely; to choose how I live and behave, or help others do likewise 
23. Friendliness: to be friendly, companionable, or agreeable towards others 
24. Forgiveness: to be forgiving towards myself or others 
25. Fun: to be fun-loving; to seek, create, and engage in fun-filled activities 
26. Generosity: to be generous, sharing and giving, to myself or others 
27. Gratitude: to be grateful for and appreciative of the positive aspects of myself, others and life 
28. Honesty: to be honest, truthful, and sincere with myself and others 
29. Humor: to see and appreciate the humorous side of life 
30. Humility: to be humble or modest; to let my achievements speak for themselves 
31. Industry: to be industrious, hardworking, dedicated 
32. Independence: to be self-supportive, and choose my own way of doing things 
33. Intimacy: to open up, reveal, and share myself — emotionally or physically — in my close personal relationships 
34. Justice: to uphold justice and fairness 
35. Kindness: to be kind, compassionate, considerate, nurturing or caring towards myself or others 
36. Love: to act lovingly or affectionately towards myself or others 
37. Mindfulness: to be conscious of, open to, and curious about my here-and-now experience 38. Order: to be orderly and organized 
38. Open-mindedness: to think things through, see things from others’ points of view, and weigh evidence fairly. 
39. Patience: to wait calmly for what I want 
40. Persistence: to continue resolutely, despite problems or difficulties. 
41. Pleasure: to create and give pleasure to myself or others 
42. Power: to strongly influence or wield authority over others, e.g. taking charge, leading, organizing 
43. Reciprocity: to build relationships in which there is a fair balance of giving and taking 
44. Respect: to be respectful towards myself or others; to be polite, considerate and show positive regard 4
45. Responsibility: to be responsible and accountable for my actions 
46. Romance: to be romantic; to display and express love or strong affection 
47. Safety: to secure, protect, or ensure safety of myself or others 
48. Self-awareness: to be aware of my own thoughts, feelings and actions 
49. Self-care: to look after my health and wellbeing, and get my needs met 
50. Self-development: to keep growing, advancing or improving in knowledge, skills, character, or life experience. 
51. Self-control: to act in accordance with my own ideals 
52. Sensuality: to create, explore and enjoy experiences that stimulate the five senses 
53. Sexuality: to explore or express my sexuality 
54. Spirituality: to connect with things bigger than myself 
55. Skillfulness: to continually practice and improve my skills, and apply myself fully when using them 
56. Supportiveness: to be supportive, helpful, encouraging, and available to myself or others 
57. Trust: to be trustworthy; to be loyal, faithful, sincere, and reliable 
58. Insert your own unlisted value here: 
59. Insert your own unlisted value here:

Dr. Russ Harris, M.B.B.S., Copyright 2010, actmindfully.com.au    

References:

1. Sherman, D. K., Lokhande, M., Muller, T., & Cohen, G. L. (2021). “Self-affirmations Interventions. In G. M. Walton & A. J. Crum (Eds.)” Handbook of Wise Interventions: How Social Psychology Can Help People Change. 63–99). New York, NY: The Guilford Press
2. Howell, A.J. (2017) “Self-Affirmation Theory and the Science of Well-Being.” J Happiness Stud 18. 293–311. https://doi.org/10.1007/s10902-016-9713-5