Have you considered how to pick up on stress in your relationship? How do you talk about stress or heightened emotions with someone you care about? Noticing and then responding to high levels of stress in someone else is a skill you can develop over time.
In exercise 1 in this series about love and creativity, we looked at ways to notice stress clues and connect your clues to coping strategies for support. Let’s take the next step, and look at ways to talk about stress and emotional well-being with others.
Four steps for “stress talks”
The steps below will support you in understanding and describing stress clues in yourself and in someone you care about. Remember, this is not about judging yourself or someone else. Instead, this exercise is an opportunity for growth in managing stress and offering support.
Step 1. Observe your relationship
Take a look at the stress clues below. Then, grab a sheet of paper or start a note on your phone. Over the next three days, take notes on stress clues you observe in one of your close relationships. These stress clues may include:
- Eating too much or too little
- Sleeping too much or too little
- Easy anger, feeling on edge, lashing out at others
- Overwhelming sadness or crying spells
- Pulling away from people and things they care about
- Difficulty connecting with others
- Feeling exhausted
- Feeling pressure to keep busy
- Having unexplained aches and pains, such as constant stomachaches or headaches
- Feeling helpless or hopeless
- Excessive smoking, drinking, or using drugs, including prescription medications
- Worrying a lot of the time
Step 2. Capture what you find
After the three days, draw a picture or write a short poem that describes the stress clues you observed. This can help you to process what you noticed about yourself and the other person. Take a few moments to look at your drawing, poem, or other form of expression.
Step 3. Start a “stress talk”
Next, have a discussion with the person about what you noticed. (See the conversation tips below.) Offer to explore the types of support you or they may use when stress levels rise. For more on types of support, take a look at the next exercise in this series, Offering Support in Relationships <link to Love-Motivate exercise #3>
These phrases can support you in starting a conversation about stress levels with someone you care about. Take a look at these stress talk openers and note the ones you like. Add your own openers to the list. Try using your favorite phrases to start discussions in your relationships weekly.
- How’s our vibe today?
- On a scale of 1-10, how stressed are you?
- If stress was a color, what color matches yours today?
- What would you change if we hit a ‘reset’ button today?
- What would you do if you could pause time for a moment today to reset?
- What’s one thing that could make today a little bit better?
- What’s one thing I can do today to support you?
- _____________________________________
- _____________________________________
Step 4. Pause to reflect
After trying a stress talk phrase, be sure to pay attention to how the person responds. If you feel the conversation goes well, keep that phrase in your toolbox. If you notice challenges with getting the conversations started, take time to pause to avoid pressuring the other person. Opening up about stressful experiences can be difficult. Try your best to be thoughtful about the best space and time to have a stress talk. You’ve got this!
References
- American Psychological Association, “How stress affects your life” (2013, revised 2024) apa.org/topics/stress/health
- American Psychological Association, “Stress effects on the body” (2018, revised 2024) apa.org/topics/stress/body
- National Institutes of Health, “Emotional Wellness Toolkits” (2022) nih.gov/health-information/emotional-wellness-toolkit
- SAMHSA, “Warning Signs and Risk Factors for Emotional Distress” (2024) samhsa.gov/mental-health/disaster-preparedness/warning-signs
