During my childhood, I often didn’t enjoy myself. Whether it was forcing myself awake before school in the morning, putting time and effort into an activity that didn’t pay off, or never having enough time to do the things I authentically enjoyed, a myriad of circumstances weighed me down. Looking back, I was far from my full potential.
After I stopped activities I did out of obligation rather than passion, and fixed my sleep schedule in time for my freshman year of college, my life felt different immediately. I sensed authenticity in all the activities I participated in from then on, engaging in deep self-reflection on what my true passions were and carving out my path to prevent the dissatisfaction I felt throughout high school from plaguing my undergraduate career as well.
Today, I feel like the master of my life’s outcomes.
This came not only with leaving the rigid schedule and limited opportunities of high school, but also with my newfound willingness to hone my unique skills and talents to make my mark on humanity. More than ever, I feel liberated.
However, I sometimes wonder if this was God’s plan all along.
Suppose it was God’s plan for me to stretch myself too thin during my childhood so I could be flexible enough to achieve great things as an adult. After all, I wouldn’t be the man I am today if it weren’t for my childhood experiences, and becoming the best version of myself will always be fueled by setbacks that entail coping with a lesser version of myself.
In Islam, there’s a concept called tawakkul that refers to unconditional trust in God’s plan. Regardless of how much I disdain some circumstances that tainted my childhood, I cannot deny their significance in my personal development. Suppose it was God’s plan all along to have me temporarily struggle in order to make liberation a more satisfying experience for me. In that case, I’m not surprised that the influence this plan had on my life, like so many other lives, has made me appreciate my presence in the world more than ever. At the end of the day, facing oppression under God for so long only makes liberation all the more satisfying once it arrives.
