If you recently sent your young person off to college for the first time, the holidays and family gatherings may be extra special as your child comes home for their first break since starting school. This homecoming may also be a milestone for the entire family.
After months of college life, your college student may now be a more independent adult, and your family may have also adjusted to a new rhythm. This shift in family dynamics can be tricky to navigate. However, with a little thought and preparation, you can help ensure a smooth transition and an enjoyable reunion for everyone.
Communicate expectations clearly
Before your college student leaves school for the break, have a family discussion about expectations for their visit. This doesn’t have to be formal. A simple conversation about family gatherings, any must-attend events, house rules, and how they can contribute to household chores while they’re home can prevent misunderstandings and help everyone get on the same page. Having open dialogue ahead of time can help avoid power struggles and ensure a smoother, more joyful visit for everyone.
Embrace who they are becoming
Your student is not the same person who left for school. Even if it’s only been a few months, they’ve had new experiences, met new people, developed new interests, and learned new things about themselves. As a result, they may be forming different opinions, perspectives, and habits than they had before heading off to college.
Instead of feeling threatened by or critical of these changes, embrace the growth you see in your child. It may help you to reflect on periods of growth and transition in your own life. Try these ideas to create dialogue and mutual respect with your young person:
- Ask them about their classes, their friends, and what they’ve learned.
- Be genuinely curious about their life away from home.
- Listen without judgment to show you respect their growth and autonomy.
- Embrace this period as an opportunity to strengthen your bond with your child and to develop a relationship with them as a young adult based on mutual respect and understanding.
Create a balance of togetherness and space
The holidays and other gatherings are a great time to reconnect, but it is important to be aware that your student also needs downtime to relax and rest from a busy semester. They may need to sleep more or want to catch up with friends.
While it might be tempting to fall back into old patterns (such as setting curfews, overseeing chores, or scheduling their activities), it is important to try to see your young person as the adult they are becoming. This supports and respects the new level of autonomy they have developed. Ask for their ideas when planning some fun, low-pressure family activities and balance this with giving them space to make their own plans.
The Takeaway
Family gatherings and the holiday season offer meaningful opportunities to reconnect with your college student and begin a new chapter in your relationship founded on mutual respect, understanding, and love. By embracing this new chapter in the life of your family, you can make reunions and the holiday season truly memorable.
Additional Resources
- Recognizing the Signs Your Young Person Needs Support in Stressful Times
- Supporting Your Teen Experiencing Mental Health Challenges
- Support Young Women to Stay Safe, Get Help, and Find Well-Being
- If Self-Harm is Possible, Be Proactive
- A Guide for Parents: Helping your teen balance academics and mental health
- A Guide for Parents & College Students: Navigating College Campus Support Systems
- Stress-Relieving Exercise: Give yourself a few minutes of calm by following your breath
- Parents Under Pressure: The U.S. Surgeon General Advisory on the Mental Health and Well-Being of Parents
